Sold to the highest bidder
by Naidoo
Summary: For charity Ranger and a few of his Merry Men join a Bachelor auction. Little do they know who they will end up with. Hinted Babe at the end. Rating is for mild cursing.


_AN: Sometimes writing a new story while in the middle of another one is a pretty good distraction. This certainly wasn't supposed to end up with 3k of words, but well... There is a hint of Babe at the end, but I leave it to everyone whether it's the start of Babe, or just another night. It is a oneshot for now, I might get back to it, or not._

* * *

Carlos was a man of many mysteries – to say the least. Up until now I still hardly knew anything about him. All I did know was usually discovered during some trouble that came up and he had no other choice then telling me about it. Getting him to say something was less pleasant than pulling teeth. You needed to ignore all his glares and his monosyllable answers and eventually he would reward you with an answer that might tell you something. You just needed to be patient.

A mystery might also have been what Lula just told me while I was reading the headlines of the Trentonian – one of the most underappreciated newspapers in Trenton. Not that there were many to begin with. But the Trentonian was your first choice for strange and weird gossip, uncomfortable social gatherings and the number one paper for local D-List celebrities to feel somehow important.

"You know, Tankie participates in that thingy…" Lula said, nodding her head towards the page of the newspaper I was currently skimming.

I looked at her confused, going through the headlines again to see what she was referring to.

"The blood donation? Good for him," I said, honestly admiring people that did stuff like that. I didn't do blood. Or needles. Or anything in regards of getting your blood taken. Even if it was for a good cause.

"No, White girl…." She said, almost ripping the page of the paper when pointing to something else. I read what she was point it and had to admit that was… unexpected.

"The bachelor auction for the Children's Hospital? Really?" I asked, incredulous. That was…impressive. Especially seeing Tank was rather… anti-social.

"Hm…. Ranger and a few of the other guys talked him into it…"

Who knew RangeMen was so… charitable. But it was…. wait! What?

"Did you just say Ranger is participating as well?"

"Yeah. Tankie asked me to be there and make sure no other girl would get him…"

Somehow I was almost certain Tank had not asked that of her and it was rather Lula who decided Tank wasn't supposed to walk off that stage with some other woman.

"That sounds like fun," Connie all of a sudden chipped in, having finished her latest manicure. "We can make it a girls night out. A few drinks, some fun, followed by watching beefcakes going up for auction."

I couldn't help but grin at her comment about beefcakes, seeing that term pretty much described more or less most men at RangeMen.

"I like them girls' nights. They usually are fun. Just…make sure I don't get drunk."

Connie and I nodded, remembering our last girls' night and how drunk Lula had been. Not something to be repeated. I as already calling my sister Valerie and texted MaryLou the details.

For the sake of surprise I decided to not let Ranger know that I knew. That would only spoil the fun. Well, mainly my fun.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

We decided on an early dinner and a few drinks at a bar not far from the venue. The auction was supposed to start at nine. We were already through with dinner and still had almost two more hours til then. The alcohol kept flowing and neither Connie nor me actually were able to stop Lula from drinking – mainly due to our own state of intoxication. But we weren't drunk. Yet.

By nine none of us was really sober anymore, but we still weren't completely drunk. We were just tipsy. That would maybe eventually explain how we managed to let the evening end the way it would later on.

It was quite a venue and quite a lot of women – which probably was the whole purpose. We managed to get quite good seats and read the flyer that was handed to us when entering. It explained the evening and also listed a few rules. The main and probably most important one was: **Cash only.**

That was only followed by the rule that payment had be instantly with the end of the event.

Attached to the flier was a small booklet that apparently listed all the participants. It was a wild mix of local business owners, members of police and fire department, as well as minor celebrities.

I had to raise my eyebrows when stumbling across Joe's picture. We weren't really speaking terms again, but… this seemed odd. Latest rumors had suggested that he was dating some anchor woman from the local news station. Maybe that was already over. Or it was really just a rumor.

Proceeding further I came to realize that RangeMen was quite well represented at this venue. Ranger and Tank, together with Bobbie, Cal and Lester all graced the pages of the booklet. I was almost certain that would catch quite a bid, especially their boss himself. You had to be blind to not find him attractive.

The auction started of slow. The first bids came in cautiously and guys went quickly after only two or three bids.

About five guys in I realized Joyce Barnhardt was among us. She had just bid on a local celebrity and won, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

Next up was Lester. He looked happy, if not to say ecstatic. This was what he loved. Lester liked attention – in a good way. Especially if said attention came from a woman. Bidding was going ok for him and I had to admit I was happy that he managed to get a few. I guess the worst thing that could happen to a guy up there was that no one was interested.

"Hundred fifty," I heard coming from my left and turned my head surprised. My best friend Mary Lou had just placed a bid on Ranger's cousin. I saw two or three other woman turning and checking out the competition that had entered so late in the game. But it wouldn't help. At two hundred dollars Mary Lou won the bet and looked pleased with herself.

Morelli had a swagger about him that I found uncomfortable. His grin was filled with self-confidence and a portion of arrogance. For once I actually wondered what I'd ever seen in him. This was strangely enough his venue. Plenty of women to fan themselves over him – or so he thought, but really, it was just that the AC was terrible.

Morelli spotted me, or at least I think he did, since his gaze zoned in on me for a while. If he was thinking I was here because of him, or even that I would place a bid he would be in for quite a surprise. However, someone who did place a bid, and would eventually win him, was once again Joyce Barnardt. She slowly turned my direction, smirking. I just shrugged. Fine by me. Not that Morelli and me had any business together. If her intent was to piss me off, she really could have used that money a lot better.

Next up was another local business owner, followed by Bobbie. Bobbie looked… uncertain. Like he wasn't entirely sure why he was doing this. My best guess was that Lester talked him into this. And I felt sympathy for him. This really wasn't his thing. Given, he wasn't bad looking I figured he would get quite a few bids, but he looked like that worried him as well. Not that I'd blame him. You'd never know who bit on you and a fear that Joyce Barnhardt was after you as well was given.

However it wasn't Joyce that took home to winning bid. No. It was my own damn sister. What was in these drinks we had before? First Mary Lou, now my sister, and judging by the way Connie was looking through her purse I figured it wouldn't be for long before decided on joining the fun. We all knew about Lula. She was after all the reason we all were here.

Tank was up next and Lula pretty much announced to the whole room that no one better be thinking about taking her man home. Tank looked uncomfortable, I felt uncomfortable and I was pretty certain everyone in the room felt the same.

A few more local PD and Firemen followed, with Joyce once again going in for the kill and snagging another guy. By now the whole room was buzzing about how many more she planned on bidding.

When Cal came on the whole room was quite all of a sudden. And given, he looked rather scary at first it was a natural reaction. After years working with him I learned that there was a lot more to Cal than his rather frightening look. He actually was a sweet guy once you got close enough that he let you in and trusted you. I saw Joyce slowly raising her hand, but withdrew quickly when Cal shot her a look that would have made the baddest of guys run scared. Smart man, Cal.

I wondered whether that would be his tactic, to scare everyone who would even think about placing a bid. But no. One or two brave souls tried their luck and succeeded without much attention from him. Looked like he really just wanted to scare Joyce off.

When Connie all of a sudden joined the bidding, I almost fell out of my chair. What?

"I never had a bad boy," she matter of factly explained and I just stared at her. Seriously, what had been in these drinks? There were a few heated bids but Cal eventually ended up with Connie, or the other way around – depending on how you looked at things.

It was almost three hours after the auction started by now. According to the booklet there must maybe have been only a few guys left – and one of them was Ranger. Who, as it turned out, would be up last.

The moment he got on you heard a buzz going through the rows. He was handsome to say the least. In a sweater and a pair of slacks he looked more casual than I'd ever seen him and also weirdly out of place, seeing I'd usually only see him in his usual cargos and t-shirt get up. Or a suit.

He looked confident enough to not let any of bother him. Even if no one would bid - which wouldn't happen judging by the whispers around us – he'd leave here with his ego intact. Other than Morelli he didn't have a need for confirmation. And he certainly didn't need attention.

Bidding started almost immediately and went up quickly. Among the happy bidders was – of course – Joyce once more. What the hell?

"Is she serious?" I muttered more to myself then anyone really and got strange looks from Val, Connie and Lula.

Bidding started to move to a range that was no longer petty cash. And I started getting uncomfortable for several reasons. And so did Ranger it seemed. Though I wasn't sure whether it was because of the amount or the bidder who looked like she would bag him.

"Well, do you want Barnhardt to get away with him?" Connie asked out of the blue.

"She already had a small army of men… what the hell does she need Ranger for?" I whispered back annoyed.

"Well, what do you think?" Connie asked, raising her eyebrows. _No way._ Ranger would rather eat poison.

"He… wouldn't…." I said without any heat or force behind my words as if I didn't really believe them. But I knew Ranger wouldn't touch Joyce ever, even if she would be the last woman on earth. He said so himself- in less words,

"Well…. Do something…"

"What am _I_ supposed to do?" I whispered back aggressively.

"What do you think? How about bidding. Or even better, how about outbidding her?"

"Are you even listening to the bids? We are at a range that I couldn't ever possibly afford just for… this. I need to pay rent and eat!" I argued.

"Well, then it looks like Ranger might go home with Barnardt," Connie responded.

Come to think if it eating and a place to live were overrated anyway!

Joyce Barnhardt going home with Ranger? Over. My. Dead. Body!

I guess I could eat at my parents for the month, and cut back on donuts. I could maybe walk more or… switch to Vinnie's motorcycle. That needed way less fuel then my car.

"A thousand," I yelled all of a sudden and saw quite a few heads turn my way, including Joyce and Ranger as well. The look on his face was priceless in a weird kind of way. I guess the last person he expected to see, especially seeing bidding on him, was me. Well, I was probably better than Barnardt anyway.

"One thousand two hundred," Joyce was quick in responding. Of course.

I quickly went through my account mentally and realized that I was pretty much at my limit.

"One…three," I said tentatively.

"One five," came the response.

"What am I supposed to do? That is pretty much as high as I can go…" I said to my left and saw Connie go through her purse before handing me quite an impressive wad of cash. Someone came prepared.

A few moments later Val, Lula and Mary Lou did the same. I couldn't do this. I couldn't take money from my friends for something I wasn't even sure why I was doing it. But then again…. I also couldn't let Joyce win. No. Way. Time to get your priorities sorted, Plum!

"Two thousand," I said quickly, before someone could announce the winning bid of Joyce. Looking at her, she didn't look happy, probably having assumed I was out. Ha, as if! I had managed to count the money I had been handed and had a bit of leeway.

Joyce and I got into a bit of a bidding war, and I saw Ranger looking at me curious. I also spotted Morelli out of the corner of my eye and he was anything but happy. But then again, no one had started quite such a bidding about him.

When I yelled "Three Thousand" a while later my heart might have stopped. Never had I actually spent that much money. Ever. Especially not on a man. Not that I ever… had bought men before. This was a typical Stephanie Plum thing and I was certain the moment my mother would hear about it… I wouldn't hear the end of it.

If this would go on for much longer I might needed to come with other ways for cash.

"You could ask Ranger…" Connie suggested, grinning.

"No freaking way will I ask Ranger to loan me money so I can …buy him. That …. No way," I said and was hoping this would end soon.

"You don't buy him as such. Jeez, this isn't some human trafficking thing. It is for charity…" Connie clarified. Sure, as if that now would make things any better. I was just hoping this was over soon, seeing my available funds slowly came to an end.

And as it turned out, it would be indeed over soon. Joyce had abruptly stopped bidding, probably having run out of cash with her earlier "shopping spree".

The current bid was at 3,500 and I might have fainted. I hoped no one else would feel a sudden urge to start bidding. And when the auctioneer ended this all my heart stopped beating for a moment – for several reasons. Finally this was over. I couldn't help but grin smug at Joyce fucking Barnardt for finally having been able to gain the upper hand. Looking at her she was anything but happy. I also won something. I never did really win anything and ok, seeing that I actually had to invest more than three grand I didn't really win as such, but… it was for charity.

And then all thinking stopped when I realized what I'd just done. I… bought Ranger. I wasn't entirely sure what kind of message that send, but … well… I was over now. I could think about messages and the likes later. Maybe right after I paid for Ranger and right before I booked a one way to Mexico. Come to think of it, thanks to the money I had just spent Mexico was out of the equation. I couldn't afford Mexico. I wasn't even sure I could afford a bus ride to New York right now.

"Oh, you did well, honey," the elderly lady I was sent to pay for my bid cooed. Which was… weird.

"Thanks," I smiled politely, handing her way too much money. I still wasn't quite sure what happened. Or why. Well… I was quite clear on the why.

"He's a looker," she said, smiling and counting the money, before handing me a small paper that read "paid". Somehow that felt slightly weird, if not to say wrong. "Have fun."

Making my way through a throng of people chattering and giggling, finding their bid I didn't need to look too long to find my man. Well, my man in regards of having gotten the winning bid.

"Babe," was all he said once he spotted me.

"I'd say I can explain what happened, but truth is, I can't," I admitted, shrugging.

"I have my suspicions. And all of them somehow come to end with Joyce Barndardt," he said, gifting me with a rare smile.

"Well… I figured after the amount of guys she um… ended up with, she didn't need you as well. Also… you don't play well with Morelli," I said grinning, before realizing how wrong my last statement sounded. "Wait… I mean… you and Morelli… ah, never mind."

Ranger looked at me curious before adverting his gaze on the people around us.

"Is there something I need to know about or is it pure coincidence that all your friends ended up with their own personal RangeMan?"

"Apart from me," I said, seeing him confused for a moment. "I ended up with Batman," I giggled and honestly…. I blamed the alcohol for my bad joke.

I saw him smile briefly, probably more out of courtesy then actual humor.

"And Batman can take me out to dinner…" I said, wondering what I was supposed to do really. But I guess seeing how much time we spent together already all day long it was a bit of a tough question.

"You spent that amount of money and all you want is dinner?" he asked surprised with a slow grin and I couldn't help but wonder what else he was expecting.

"What else… am I supposed to do?" I asked and I really had no idea. I knew what I wanted to do, but that was… maybe not the best of ideas. Maybe if I got him drunk and was certain he'd never remember the night again I might make a few bolder suggestions.

The slow grin he showed me should have been my first clue that something was up. But before I could even think about it I felt his lips on mine. And that was… different. Seeing that previously we only had really shared kisses either in alleys or in the privacy of his or my apartment and maybe once or twice someplace else, but only when it was the two of us. In a room, full of people, in broad daylight so to speak, was… new. And unexpected. And had I mentioned surprise already?

My surprise must have given him an opening, since I felt his tongue slip past my lips a moment later and all of a sudden this kiss became a lot more.

"Let's start with that," Ranger said when his lips let go of mine, before going on "and let's see what else we can come up with."

Maybe I didn't need to get him drunk … And maybe the three thousand dollars had been a good investment come to think of it. But yeah, dinner was a good place to start and the night was still young.

 **THE END**


End file.
